Learning to increase your emotional intelligence is key to maintaining healthy personal and professional relationships.
It starts with realizing that intelligence is more than just formal education; emotional intelligence is a developed skill, defined as “the ability to recognize, understand, and deal skillfully with one’s own emotions and the emotions of others.”
In other words, it’s the way you understand the world and perspectives outside of your own. And while we all have different baselines for emotional intelligence (EQ), you can develop yours over time through mindful practices.
The 5 Components of Emotional Intelligence
To better understand the elements of emotional intelligence, there are five main skills associated with it:
- Self-Awareness: The ability to recognize your emotions, trigger points, strengths, and weaknesses.
- Self-Regulation: Beyond recognition, thoughtfully managing those emotions instead of acting on initial impulses.
- Internal Motivation: Rather than relying on external rewards, using intrinsic motivation to stay focused, maintain resilience, and pursue goals.
- Empathy: The capacity to recognize and understand emotions and perspectives outside of your own experience.
- Social Skills: The way you build and maintain relationships, navigate social scenarios, and effectively communicate with others.
Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace
Emotional intelligence can be particularly valuable in a professional setting, with these skills improving:
- Leadership skills
- Communication
- Conflict management
- Adaptability
- Collaboration
- Relationship management with colleagues + clients
While technical knowledge may help you land the job, emotional intelligence is what helps you excel in your role, tackle challenges, and advance to higher-ranking positions over time.
What Are the Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence?
Wondering whether or not your emotional intelligence skills could use a tune-up?
No matter our baseline, we can all better our emotional awareness; the signs of someone with developing EQ often show up as:
- Trouble naming or recognizing your emotions
- Reacting impulsively and struggling with self-regulation
- Difficulty empathizing with others
- Often misunderstanding or ignoring social cues
- Strong, negative reactions to criticism and feedback
- Struggling to adapt to sudden changes or stressors
- Avoiding conflict or struggling with difficult conversations
- Acting defensively when feeling judged or challenged
- Refusing to take responsibility and placing blame on others
Having a few of these behaviors on occasion is completely natural and doesn’t necessarily mean you have low emotional intelligence. If these traits do, however, deeply resonate, you could benefit from building your EQ.
13 Ways to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
Our past experiences, lifestyle, and unique circumstances all shape our emotional intelligence; everyone starts at a different baseline. But like any subject, you can practice and improve over time.
The more intentionally you practice these skills, the more natural they will become in your day-to-day life.
These ideas will help you increase your emotional intelligence; they’re best practiced in conjunction, building on one another.
1. Name Your Feelings
Emotionally intelligent people are, at their core, aware of their feelings.
Take breaks during your day to pause and reflect on what you’re feeling. Move beyond “good” or “bad” and put an honest label on the emotion.
Bad could mean sadness, stress, frustration, or loneliness. Good could mean hopeful, peaceful, loving, or joyous. Noting these nuances is a good starting point for anyone trying to build mindful habits.
As you practice, move beyond core emotions to better understand both your own emotions and those of your peers.
2. Note Your Triggers
We all have triggers that set us off. Feelings of judgment, rejection, or losing control can trigger alarm bells in our brains. The best defense against losing yourself to these stressors is recognizing them.
Understanding why something sets us off is the first step in managing future triggers.
3. Pause Before Reacting
When you’re in a highly emotional state, you’re at risk of losing self-control and saying or doing something you regret. Before reacting, practice taking a break.
A moment of reflection before responding can make all the difference.
4. Take Responsibility for Your Emotions
The truth is, we won’t always react well in high-stress events. There will be times when you handle a situation poorly.
Rather than continuing on the defensive, take accountability for your behavior and apologize when appropriate. You are responsible for your own self-management, no matter how others behave.
5. Seek Feedback
An important step in developing EQ is recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, though doing this objectively is easier said than done.
Consider asking a mentor or trusted friend for feedback on your behaviors, whether that be your communication style or how you respond to stress.
Remain open, resist the urge to go on the defensive, and use this feedback to pinpoint opportunities for growth.
6. Manage Stress Levels
One of the most key skills in life is managing your stress levels.
High stress makes it incredibly difficult to regulate your emotions, leading to impulsive actions during times of overwhelm.
Healthy strategies like mindful exercise, taking breaks, a quality sleep schedule, and relaxation practices can all help reduce stress levels. The result? A regulated nervous system that is ready to take on challenges.
For more tips on lowering stress levels, check out these helpful posts:
7. Improve Communication Skills
Healthy communication is a big indicator of a high EQ. A few ways to improve your communication skillset include:
- Prioritize direct and open communication, being honest about your thoughts and feelings.
- Disagree with respect, holding space for nuance.
- Practice using “I” statements to take ownership of your emotions and avoid placing blame.
- Work through difficult interactions without shutting down or responding with aggression.
Learn more about How to Improve Your Communication Skills: 17 Easy Tips.
8. Develop Your Capacity for Empathy
One of the most effective ways to increase your emotional intelligence is to expand your understanding of empathy.
Empathy is the ability to consider the world from a perspective outside your own. What are they feeling or experiencing in the moment, and how does that shape your understanding of the situation?
Recognizing someone else’s emotions or motivations doesn’t automatically mean you agree with them. But it does help with more respectful and productive communication.
Developing a strong sense of empathy builds trust, deepens relationships, and promotes curiosity about the world around you.
9. Read the Room
Emotionally intelligent people have a strong social awareness that goes beyond verbal cues.
Social cues like physical body language, tone, and facial expressions can offer important information about how someone is feeling.
10. Practice Active Listening
An intuitive way to build social skills is to practice active listening. It seems simple enough, but you may be surprised how often you’re waiting for your chance to speak in conversation rather than truly focusing on the other person.
Set aside distracting thoughts, focus on what people are saying, and ask thoughtful questions that signal you’re paying attention.
This will build empathy and result in stronger relationships.
11. Read Widely
Reading literature is an underrated way to increase your emotional intelligence. Beyond self-help books, reading widely is a fantastic way to build social understanding and tune global awareness.
Many researchers have suggested that reading fiction can influence a reader’s capacity for empathy, even more so than non-fiction.
Reading literary fiction with complex characters is a creative, nearly passive way to build EQ.
12. Consult a Professional
If you’re looking for further insight into your emotions, triggers, and communication style, therapists can be an invaluable tool.
Therapy provides a safe space for you to practice all aspects of emotional intelligence, from self-regulation to social skills.
13. Practice and Reflect
Ultimately, daily practice is the best way to increase your emotional intelligence.
Reflective journaling, daily check-ins, and other mindful practices are all effective ways to flex your emotional muscles.
Does Emotional Intelligence Make You More Successful?
Neither high EQ nor IQ guarantees success, though they can be highly valuable in both your career and personal life.
Strong emotional intelligence can help you:
- Improve relationships: Good communication skills, understanding of social cues, and a strong sense of empathy will improve relationships in and out of the workplace.
- Make better decisions: A high EQ helps you make logical decisions with a clear head and emotional clarity.
- Manage stress: Stress management is a major benefit of improved emotional intelligence, which in turn can help improve mood and aid anxiety.
- Achieve personal and professional goals: Each of these benefits combines to help you reach your set goals with focus.
Final Thoughts: How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
The journey to a higher EQ is a lifelong process, with plenty of benefits for both your personal and professional life.
While specialized education and hands-on skills can get you far, emotional intelligence can give professionals that added edge in the workplace. The ability to communicate effectively, handle conflict with ease, and understand others’ motivations will help you build lasting confidence in every setting.
Want more tips on self-development? Read this post on How to Create a Career Vision Board to Achieve Your Goals.
